What to Do When You “Just Can’t”- Seven Steps for Comfort

“I can’t.”
“I just can’t.”
“I don’t have anything left.”

That’s a sad, bad place to be, but we’ve all been there. Running our hands through our hair, over and over and over because it’s the most soothing thing we can find right now…
There are no words for the desperate feeling. Your heart may as well be twisted into an untangleable knot. Maybe a loved one has needs, but we have nothing; NOTHING to offer them now. It’s a life and death challenge for our own soul, let alone, take care of their needs.

  1. Remember, this will pass!!!! It never, ever, ever feels like it, but this horrible feeling won’t last forever. Put this in the front seat of your brain: This will pass. Very soon, you’ll feel stronger.
  2. Decide to take action or let it ride. There isn’t a wrong answer. Do you have any energy to help it along to its goal of coming to a head? Can you spark a conversation? If not, accept that you just need to “ride it out.” Chill a little. Ask for peace. If you can’t act competently, wait.
  3. Don’t burn bridges! Don’t reach out or make contact (while you’re distressed) with anyone you don’t trust 100%. You may end up saying things you’ll regret.
  4. It’s okay to take time for yourself. At this point, nothing else matters. You can’t take care of others with a hole in your heart. Take a bath. Take a walk. Paint. Tell your family you’re not making supper. Tell them you’re going to bed. Give yourself permission to “clock out,” for once. Not that those things will heal your heart, but let yourself know that you’re putting yourself first.
  5. Find your music! I would love to suggest some songs, but this is your stuff. Don’t wallow in the music, but choose songs that uplift, inspire, and make you feel strong. Repeat. Loudly.
  6. Where is your strength outside of yourself? Who WHO WHO can help you? Sometimes, it’s God alone. Sometimes you need a friend to tell you you’re not crazy, you’re strong: Everything’s gonna be alright.
  7. Sleep on it. Many folks throughout the ages have found relief by the morning.

I can’t include “Eat well” or “Sleep well” on my list. Those are good if you are stressed, but if you’re truly at the point of “I just can’t,”  you are only existing. I feel your pain. I empathize.
   
BREATHE. Please know that you are loved and appreciated just for being you. Soon, your heart will unhinge, unravel, and beat steadily again. This empty pit of a feeling is just a phase. It’s just a stage. You will come out stronger in the end. There’s hope.


- Sarah Belle Cassidy
 

​Sarah Belle Cassidy is a wife and stay at home mother to four kids, two girls and two boys, ages 17, 15, 12 and 2. She once owned a small-town coffee shop/restaurant for eight years, was an apprentice electrician, and homeschooled her oldest three children for eight years.

After 20 years of marriage, three children, a divorce, remarriage, and a tag-a-long child at "40-something," Sarah is learning to put the oxygen mask on herself first, and THEN attend to the various needs of a busy family. She says, "Coffee, love, humor, music, research, and plenty of hugs are my fuel."