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Standing outside the Door
April 2016
~ ~ ~
Dearest Daughter Z,
You seem to be struggling. When you struggle, I struggle. Caught between worlds, you claw to find your way, your truth, and yourself. Often, I am caught in the middle of your angst, against the world and the moment. How can I help? Should I coddle you, as a babe in arms? Should I let you find your own method of self-soothing? When you cried in the crib, the parenting book instructed me to let you cry alone in the dark until you calmed yourself, it was the most tortuous night of my life, until you did it.
Now as a pre-teen, you are no longer crying, but dramatizing things, I consider insignificant. This is you. You are an outward child. Expressing inner self through outward comments and actions. As an empath, I absorb your feelings. As I mother I want to take your pain away. Is this my job? Is this what is best for you? It makes me feel better in the moment, but in the long run, is it teaching you what you need to learn?
I balance my reactions between compassion and understanding, to pushing you beyond your comfort zone and tolerance, the next. The socially anxious little girl in me knows where you are coming from and the battles you face within. I’ve been there. I walked in your shoes. It isn’t easy being sensitive to sounds, sights, tastes, smells, textures, and other peoples feelings. You need protection, sometimes provided by your mother, but ultimately you need to find this yourself, if you have a chance of survival in this chaotic world. For now, hold your blanket, hug your stuffed animals, cuddle in your bed, and retreat in your room to safety and security. If this is your happy place, then embrace it.
And when you need me, I’ll be outside the door.
Love,
Mom
~ ~ ~
Susan J. McFarland
www.susanjmcfarland.com
~ ~ ~
Dearest Daughter Z,
You seem to be struggling. When you struggle, I struggle. Caught between worlds, you claw to find your way, your truth, and yourself. Often, I am caught in the middle of your angst, against the world and the moment. How can I help? Should I coddle you, as a babe in arms? Should I let you find your own method of self-soothing? When you cried in the crib, the parenting book instructed me to let you cry alone in the dark until you calmed yourself, it was the most tortuous night of my life, until you did it.
Now as a pre-teen, you are no longer crying, but dramatizing things, I consider insignificant. This is you. You are an outward child. Expressing inner self through outward comments and actions. As an empath, I absorb your feelings. As I mother I want to take your pain away. Is this my job? Is this what is best for you? It makes me feel better in the moment, but in the long run, is it teaching you what you need to learn?
I balance my reactions between compassion and understanding, to pushing you beyond your comfort zone and tolerance, the next. The socially anxious little girl in me knows where you are coming from and the battles you face within. I’ve been there. I walked in your shoes. It isn’t easy being sensitive to sounds, sights, tastes, smells, textures, and other peoples feelings. You need protection, sometimes provided by your mother, but ultimately you need to find this yourself, if you have a chance of survival in this chaotic world. For now, hold your blanket, hug your stuffed animals, cuddle in your bed, and retreat in your room to safety and security. If this is your happy place, then embrace it.
And when you need me, I’ll be outside the door.
Love,
Mom
~ ~ ~
Susan J. McFarland
www.susanjmcfarland.com