The Lessons in Rejection
~ ~ ~
It has been a while since I have been able to write.
These last 8 months I have been hibernating in awareness.
I have been feeling like snuggling into bed with the covers over my head.
The questions to myself have been -
How do I practice Loving Kindness for myself?
What do I need? What am I feeling?
I went along my days with patience.
I went along my days with silence.
I went along my days with gratitude.
I went along my days with taking one step at a time, one task at a time, one breath at a time.
And this is what came of it.....
What is it that I am feeling?
Is it regret, is it disappointment, is it regret for lost love?
No. I am grateful for the loss.
What I feel is the regret of self-betrayal
The regret of giving up my power
The wanting to make you wrong, and knowing you were right.
I AM too good for you. You didn’t deserve the love I so wanted to give
Your kind of love was hurtful and rude
The road to self-destruction I didn’t deserve.
I wanted to save you, but you didn’t want saving
In a goodbye, I finally saved myself
You showed me your truth for so many years, but I wasn’t ready to face it
I held on so tight, convincing myself what we had was real
You couldn’t receive the love I wanted to share
And I deserved better than the love you were able to give
Truth isn’t in what we know, Truth is in what we feel
I always did feel you didn’t really love me
I knew you didn’t
But I was too scared to let go
Until I was able to let go and real love found me
God blessed me to know the contrast
The contrast to what love really is
Thank you for your courage and truth
Thank you for not loving me
Thank you to the girl that gave you the push to leave
Because in your rejection I found out I really am worth it
I found ME.
~ ~ ~
A Drop of Loving Kindess